I have one of those big life changing blogs to post, but
it's one of those ones I don't want to be more normal rambling stuff. So it's
still in the works. I am due for an update though.
I was cleared to walk without the boot full time last
Wednesday. I was ecstatic. I missed shoes and matching socks. While this did
mean a funeral for all the single ones I’ve been wearing that have lost mates
over the years, I really wanted to wear shoes again on both feet. I was told I
could jump back in and not worry about it. Now when I told my physical
therapist this, they were not pleased. There was concern; they urged me to get
a light brace for my ankle and to still limit my time on my feet. Thursday was
Thanksgiving. This is my second favorite holiday and not because of feasting (I
HATE turkey) but because I get to cook, a lot. My turkey takes 24 hours in
total. That’s from making the brine to having it carved and on the table. I
ended up making the whole dinner. 5 hours of kitchen time, dancing and singing
and all around enjoying myself. By the end of dinner though, I was in too much
pain to even walk. I literally crawled to my room once out of sight of people.
I was packed in ice and grounded to the couch until I crawled to bed later that
night.
I was off my feet most of Friday. Saturday I did shopping
with my mom, and again, pain crept up on me. Couched again with ice. Sunday and
Monday I was suddenly having horrible lower back pain as well as my left hip
and thigh breaking out in spasms of intense pain. I tried to blame it on other
things, the makings of a kidney infection, the chairs at work, my shoes,
ANYTHING but my foot.
Tonight at physical therapy, I was pushed really hard. I was
pushed to the point I was in tears and flat out said that I could not do
anymore. I couldn't do what they wanted me too at all. I told them about the
back and pain in my leg and they said I wasn't ready to be on my feet as much
as I normally am. I still have to take it easy.
I'm not a wimp by any means. This whole experience has
proven to many people my pain tolerance, but it took everything I had to not
cry at therapy tonight. Not just because of pain either, but because I'm so frustrated
with this. I hate having a limit. When I got home, it was Mad Hatter jammies
and teddy and once dinner is done, I’m back down with the heating pad.
My dad had brought up going to see King Tut next week and
doing our Seattle adventure, but after tonight at therapy, I was told to not
attempt it unless we drove and I not be on my feet for more than an hour at a
time, maybe 2 at max. While there are other issues around things with that, I’m
still rather devastated I might not get to see it. I’ve tried to not admit it
to myself or let it get to me, at least not since my pity party in October.
It's December and the holidays, I want to do my yearly shopping day downtown
and get my favorite treats and walk the market and go to the toy stores and
while I think I can swing it, I’m scared to go alone. I'm sorry this is such a rant, but everything is still so fresh in my mind. This hurts my heart and I want a cuddle.