The Importance of Stuffies

About a month ago, I finally broke down and took Korick into Build-a-Bear workshop for a restuffing. As I've posted in the past, I had toyed with doing it on my own. I sew... a lot and rather well. I make dolls and my little play clothes and anything else I can come up with. I've restored stuffies before. When it came to Korick however, I couldn't bring myself to take the seam ripper to him. I was so distraught over the thought, friends from across the pond, even Daddy Shadow at one time, offered to do it if BABW no longer offered the service.

You really can't tell just how 'well loved' he is with clothes on.

Even after I had it confirmed they still will restful a bear, I stalled on doing it. The closest store is about a half hour from my home. Calling in a favor and an excuse for a double date with a friend, Daddy and I trekked out to Tacoma with Korick in tow. The closer we got to the BABW, the more I tried to bargain out of taking him in. Needless to say that didn't work. So we carried more poor deflated bear through the mall.

Now, I've been in to Build-a-Bear maybe once before. I went in to look for a brief moment, but this was at a time when I was not comfortable with who I was so I promptly ran out. The thought crossed my mind and I was easily distracted by a stuffed Pinkie Pie that I NEEDED TO HAVE!!!! Shadow pulled me in to a line at the register. The little girl in front of us was covered in ice cream and her dad was buying her a Pinkie Pie, to which I voice my want of the pretty pink pony again and was told no. Repeatedly.

Me: "Please!!!!"

Daddy: "No..."

Me: "But her daddy is getting her one!!!!"

Daddy: "Ania Boo, I will gladely carry a box from here through the mall. I will defend that box and my man hood through this mall, but I will not carry a pink pony in a girly back pack through this mall."

How is she NOT cute!?

While I do agree with him, I was mentally 4 at the time and this made no sense. I wanted the damn pony. I still want the pony, but I can't click that buy button on the website.

Anyway, we got to the counter and pulled out Korick from his hiding place in my bag. The sales rep was so excited to see such an old bear. She shouted to the other reps to come look at him. She started asking us about him and of course we explained his whole story. While she was doing this, she lifted his shirt and pulled out a pair of scissors. While what happened next is a bit of a blur, all I vividly remember is fighting back tears. She had cut open his back seam in one quick motion. So quick I think both Shadow and I were caught off guard. He swears I cried out, I don't remember it. I do remember him frantically trying to cover my eyes as she was rooting around inside poor Korick. It was too late at that moment. I was trying to so hard not to cry. There was no adult in me at that moment, I was full little. Shadow knew it, I knew it and I'm pretty sure the rep knew it as soon as she handed me Korick's heart to hold on to so it wouldn't get lost. I held on to that thing like my life depended on it. At that moment I was pretty sure my life did. She handed my poor cut open bear back to us and told us to wait by the stuffer to get him fluffed.

It was horrible. I could not stop crying. Shadow had to hold Korick because I was sure he was going to bleed out on me. He kept saying it was ok, Korick was ok, I'd be ok, everything was fine. We both knew this wasn't fine. I had already planned on making a friend, Shadow used that as a distraction. It failed... I could not stop crying. There where kids everywhere and I'm 28 and crying in a toy store. But I was 4 and my best friend was not given proper sedation and neither was I. I should have drank more at lunch.

After a tantrum and more crying, I picked out a new friend. They didn't have the HaraJuku Panda I had originally wanted and Pinkie Pie was off limits *grumble grumble* so we picked out a pink sakura flower themed bunny. I've never been a fan of the bunnies. I was crushed last year when I missed the sakura bear they had, but Shadow insisted that she was the one meant for me. He still had to hold on to Korick. I couldn't even look at him. I went between incontrollable sobbing and then pouting over them not having any of the HaraJuku Hugs pieces I wanted. I'm pretty sure Pinkie Pie was brought up again somewhere in there too.

After what seemed like forever of Korick bleeding all over the store (he wasn't, but dude, his heart was in my pocket! this cannot be healthy for a bear!!!) we got up to the front of the line for the stuffing machine. The poor kid working it was about to go on break, but see that we had no small children with us, she motioned us over. She started talking to us about Korick while she undressed him. This poor girl was an angel because she did pick up on how important he was and seeing I was in meltdown mode, she treated me like she would any other little kid having a meltdown. She was patient and that was something I greatly appreciated at that point because it's a rare person that understand an adult little in a meltdown.

There where hug tests to which both Shadow and I had to agree on. Shadow voted for Korick being buffer since he works so hard defending from monsters at night when he's not there. She asked if we wanted a new heart to which we both quickly said no too. We opted for no new wishes either, there is a sentiment in that heart as it is. Even the thought about it makes me tear up now. She asked if it was ok if she took Korick in back for further care in recovery (she had to stitch him up, but she wasn't going to tell us that. I might have bawled again -_-). She started on the pink bunny, that by that time I was referring to as Sakura Bunny. I hadn't even noticed I'd named it in all honesty. I had a cupcake scentiment put inside her which smells AMAZING!!! Though now I wish I'd done cotton candy since it is my all-time favorite.

Korick the Jedi Master and Sakura Bunny

While she took Korick to recovery, Shadow and I shopped for clothes for Sakura Bunny. Like any guy, he wasn’t too interested in this until I mentioned Korick needing a Jedi outfit. After 9 years, the poor bear has earned at least that much. When we got up to the counter with Sakura Bunny, they had Korick waiting there, all stitched up and dressed. After we paid, Shadow asked if I wanted ice cream. That’s about when the adult side started coming back and I realized how silly I’d been… then made it worse by getting cotton candy ice cream.

Princess Sakura Sparkle Bunny

 This was really the day that being little really set in, or at least what it means to be truly little. While I do still have my Care Bear from childhood, Korick is the one that my little self gravitated too. Even before I knew I was little. Rational thought left that day. I know he’s just stuffing and fake fur, but to the little self, he’s EVERYTHING. He’s comfort. I know he’s waiting when I get home. I think every little needs that cuddly that smells like home that speaks to their soul and keeps the monsters away. Maybe it isn’t a gift from someone, maybe even a gift to yourself. They are someone that won’t turn their back on you.