Bubbley Baths

I often have company during my pink salt/ sleepy time bubbley baths. ^_^

Long Overdue Beach Post

As I've stated many many times before, I'm a bad bad blogger. Things come up or i just all around get lazy. Lately, it's been a little of both. I apologize for the lateness of my beach adventure.

I went to Long Beach, WA with my family. It is one of my favorite places to go an unwind. I rode the whole way with Korick in my lap and my binkie safe in my purse. My brother didn't say a word about my teddy. After making a huge pot of gumbo for my family the first night (which was a feet considering the 4 hour drive, an early morning dental appt and last minute to dos!) I was so happy to make and enjoy something I love so much. After dinner, my brother and I went to the beach, swore at my sister on the other side of the ocean, and ran back before the storm hit.

My Seafood Gumbo. There's rice in there somewhere

First walk down to the water

It actually rained much of the time we where there. We spent a lot of time shopping, swimming at the pool and just trying to find ways to occupy the time. Each day had about 2 hours of sun in the evenings. During those times I walked the beach barefoot and flew my beloved kite. I love that silly kite and there was more then once I ran off because the small quarters and to much family time had gotten to me. I finally learned how to do loops with him too! ^_^

My Arwing

My walks on the beach each night where my way to cleanse. There had been so much ick leading up to the trip. I hardly had time to do those 'little things' that help me coup with stress. There was one night I even walked down to the beach with my binkie hidden in my pocket and once I got down to the water, sandals in hand, I popped it in my mouth. No one was around so I pranced in the waves and giggled and just all around enjoyed myself. It was the best kind of therapy and something I hope I can do again sometime soon.

This was the best sunset and I was the only one out to see it. At least from our condo anyway ^_^

I was also the only one to really wade into the water... and was also the only one to fall in. That story later. That whole store has pictures.

I ate my fill of shellfish and fresh veggies from the farmers markets, but of course there where the stops at the candy stores and for ice cream. And while my family all had more traditional flavors, mine was bright blue and pink and smelled like cotton candy. It was the bestest ice cream EVER!!! I also stopped by my favorite candy store for my usual sea salt caramels, but stumbled upon chocolate covered marshmallows with caramel. Before we left, I cleaned the shop out of them. It was sinful, but OMG the bestest thing ever!

Cotton Candy ice cream is AMAZING!!!

Breakfast bloody mary and swirly pop. The loli wasn't part of breaky

Salt water taffee and loli again

THE BESTEST AWESOMEST MONSTROSITY OF CHOCOLATE, MARSHMALLOW AND CARMEL EVER!!!

It was a wonderful trip. I was surprised by just how many little moments I was able to sneak in when no one was looking. There where also the ones that where just cleverly disguised and written off as 'well that's just Ania'. I guess, this was really a test to see if I could comfortably be little and not feel pressured to act one way or another. I call this test a success!

Korick on the way home after a busy weekend.

I promise this time!!!

Updates are coming soon. Promise my ickle boo friendies. Big girl things are in the way no mores... mostly ;) Besides!!! everyone needs to know of my beach adventure!

I'm currently on an adventure at the beach. Of course, it's the beach in Washington so it's gray out, but that's ok. I brought my binkie, teddy and Dolly and am snuggled down for the night. I have just put in my 'baby bedtime lotion' and am enjoying a little peace and quite at the moment.

I drove down with my brother today. I held my bear most of the way and he was either to tired to make fun of it or he's just excepted I need to extra cuddles.

I was also a big girl today and went to the dentist all on my own this morning! ^_^ unfortunately, i do have a couple small cavities, but they are on teeth that have been at risk for awhile now so, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm so scared of the dentist, but i was a big girl and ventured out on my own and went. I got lunchy after but was then back home and loading things up to leave.

I plan to do a bit more updating seeing as how i have internet here (it was questionable if i would) and it will be quite and I've got my own little private space for snuggling and quite time.

On Death and Time Keys

It’s Saturday night and I’m home alone, snuggled on the couch in my blanky with Theo. It’s been so crazy that I haven’t had much time for these types of little moments. So I’m savoring this one for my own sanity.

Death has been a constant black cloud over my family recently. The most recent one being someone very very dear to me, my great grandpa Murphy. He was someone I admired greatly. He taught me how to make his famous fudge and even gave me his beloved fudge pot when he decided to pass on the torch. I feel bad I didn’t make him fudge more. I wasn’t able to go to his service, but I sent a big batch of his fudge in my place. From what I’ve heard, it not only made people cry, but it was fought over and savored because it was just like his. It helped heal the hole he’s left in my heart some.

Unfortunately, there was a lot of drama around his passing with the family. Everything from how grandpa Murph was taken care of in his last months and how I ultimately found out about his passing. Add that to my mother’s own issues and I was barely able to hold a smile  or not go into sobs at the drop of a hat.

Though I have a larger adopted family online, there are some things that virtual hugs couldn’t fix. This whole situation was one of them. I spent a day snuggled against Daddy Shadow in and out of sleep. That was the day after I found out about grandpa and I was far to shattered to do much of anything except retreat into my little self and hide behind Daddy and my teddy.

I mean, I’ve colored and played dolls, but I’m so emotionally drained that I’ve become a whiny brat from it. I just want snuggles right now and know that someone is close and that, for a little while, I’m protected from the icky things in the big wide world. 

Recently, I bought a necklace that was a custom creation. It’s my personal representation of ChibiUsa’s time key and silver crystal. I wear it daily as a reminder that of who I am inside. I always admired ChibiUsa without really knowing why, but then when I got in touch of that little side of myself, I understood more. For someone 900 years old, she works hard to deal with the big wide world… but she’s also protected by her Daddy.

My Time Key and Silver Crystal. The pink sapphire on top is another ChibiUsa/ Sailor Moon reminder.

ChibiUsa's necklace from the Sailor Moon manga

Though I adore Shadow Boo, I hope that one day I have a permanent guardian.

The Power of Teddy Bears

I’m sorry for the hiatus. It honestly wasn’t intended. Things kind of went topsy turvy and I kind of lost sight of things with it all. To much stress marks ShiShi have to be adult, being adult makes ShiShi all kinds of cranky. These periods often have episodes of full little breakdowns behind closed doors to where the only thing that can provide any comfort is my teddy bear, Korick.

Korick, was kind of a gateway to the little side of myself. This was something I had locked away deep down. I begged Daddy for a Build-a-Bear when we started dating. I threw fits. I HAD to have a teddy from there. Looking back, I feel horrible for having been such a brat about it. I don’t regret it though because over the years Korick was always there. When I let down my barriers, he was the one thing I had to have. With our breakup and everything, with all the ick, Korick was there.

Now, I honestly can’t see not having him. He is the last thing I see at night and the first thing I touch in the morning. There are times when I’m little and I don’t understand things and I’m confused, Korick is the only thing that I want for any kind of comfort. He’s the perfect kind of soft. I tug at him and kiss his nose. Often I just have to pet him and run my fingers through his fur and I start to regress. 

Recently, Korick went to the spa, ei the laundry room. After several years, he was showing he’d been well loved. He was washed, brushed and his pajamas fixed. He looks brand new. Since his fluff, I pet him more. It was odd that while my adult side tended to the brushing of the mattes in his fur and the putting of him in the washer, my little side was frantic to make sure her most cherished possession wasn’t ok. To be 27 and worry about if a stuffed animal can breathe or not in the wash was a little weird. Thankfully no one was around to witness that. 

My point is, not only are teddy bears good listeners to all the things, gateway drugs to all the things that are little about ones self, and protectors of us from the scary things that go bump in the night, but they are just generally awesome sauce. You don’t have to out grow them.

Christmas Eve

I'm still up, sitting with Korick and my blanky with glow bracelets. After rearranging the gifts under the tree and solving the issue of the bald tree top, I can't sleep. I should be asleep seeing as how i'm still fighting a cold and am fairly drugged still from earlier today when the migraine hit again.

I spent a good chunk of today cuddled on the couch with Korick and Simba (my blonde kitty) just cause i felt oogy. I carried Korick around and you know what? No one said anything. This made me very happy.

There will be a better update tomorrow, after Santa has come. I will share some of the little things laters. :)