On Names

I know I've fallen out of posting again. Which sucks because I got Pinkie Pie for Christmas from my Shadow Boo and I love her to bits. There has also been a new sleep in the last week with pink bunnies on it. Which kind of brings me to what I wanted to talk about.

Lately, It's weighed more on my mind about different names I've gone by or given personas or even what friends have given me. There are names I hold dear and some I don't share while others, I just live as. :) My favorite has been Sparkle Bunny, which a very dear friend and coworker gave me. Which until recently, I never really thought about just how much meaning that name had.

I'm a huge Sailor Moon fan. ChibiUsa being my all time favorite character. When she first came into the series, she acted very adult for her age (but if you go by the comics, she IS very adult for her appearance being 900 years old) yet was alone, scared and confused. She wanted her Papa and her Luna P went everywhere with her. No matter what, she was always going to be the little bunny compared to her Mama, Sailor Moon.

It wasn't until the other day when I was thinking about me being little and how I use Sakura Bunny as an outlet sometimes that it hit me. I'd bought a small pink rabbit, a chibiusa. So now she's being mini moon for Halloween since I'm to tall and fat for the costume :P. Then there is the pink bunny pajamas, which I wouldn't have bought the fabric for is my mom had not insisted that I needed it... which I did. Then of course, it goes back to that nickname at work, Sparkle Bunny or Bunny. In my mind it just stuck and it never really dawned on me why. In my mind, I'm now Sailor Mini Moon thanks to the Doll at work. But really, I think it's it's an unconscious gravitation to a character I related too long before I was every out of the tower as a little.

Not the best one, but one of my favorites.

There are, of course, the names Shadow boo has given me over the years. One which is tied to my shop, Sheria Nightengale. He really only gave me the first part, the second she had always had. While the name was used for rp purposes originally, she just became part of who I am. Same with her sister Sassy Pheonix. I know both bird names are spelled wrong, but that's become part of the identity over the 10+ years of using both names.While Sassy has faded more into the back, Shi is and probably will always be a character and a symbol I use until I'm gone. The name means something and I'll answer to both names when called. Some friends from older long gone guilds, still know me as Sassy. Because of Shi though, I'm still drawn to the silhouettes of small birds because I like to think they are all nightingales.

Then there come the names that have been given to me by people who've faded from every day life for one reason or another. While I think they are gone from memory, something will happen that brings that name to the front of my mind. For the last 2 months, it's been the name Seito.

Seito was given to me by a dear friend. A friend that we dreamed big together and just all around clicked with. Unfortunately... there are things in life that get in the way and suddenly those big dreams crumble. Things remain whether you try and bury them or not. Seito was the name given to one of my lovely dolls as a symbol of that friendship even. At the time, she was one of my best pieces. It's always weird giving dolls to boys though.

For some reason, she didn't like to be photographed. I have a lot that are just not quite right.

Every now and then I think of her, but had disassociated with the name. I had thought I had at least until I was on my way to physical therapy. I normally cut through the graveyard as a time saver and a way to ground quickly before going to heal. On my walk, I pass through the Japanese section of the cemetery. I run myself through drills of pronouncing the names to try and remember the little bit of basic Japanese I remember. Then it caught my attention, just out of the blue. Something I'd passed a dozen or so times before.

It is spelled SETO on the marker, but it's close enough I had to double take and still do months later. I haven't even gotten the courage to take a photo of it, which I thought I had by now. It's a rather large marker too. There was no reason to miss it, but I had until that moment. It stayed in the background of my mind, still there, but not dominating it. Then, within the last couple of weeks, I came across charts with the last name being Seito. Again, I was stopped in my tracks. The same charts keep popping up now in my work. Something needs to be scanned that brings me back to the memories tied with that name.

I have a rule about things showing up like that. The cosmos is trying to tell you something, no matter how hard you fight it, it's trying too.

While the name still has significance to what became a turning point in my life, I still try to forget the tie to it. Even this post was something toyed with until, again, the name was on my desk, staring me down today.

Then I reminded myself that names aren't always tied to all bad things. Words have meanings, both good and bad. Memories tied to them that are good and bad. There are parts of you tied to the name you where given by birth parents that are both good and bad.

I always think of the names as the different personas though. One name is me right now, which is also everyone's Sparkle Bunny, the Party Pony and Pinkie Pie. To people who know me, I'll be Sassy or Shi or little bird. My birth given name is one I just don't associate with, either form of it, but the variations that friends have come up with over the years, I will gladly respond to with a smile. They represent who I've become. They sparkle. They represent another turning point in life. No name you take every truelly dies, no matter how deep your bury it. It still clings to part of you, whether good or bad, it's you.

Right now though, I think I'm always going to be Princess Anastasia Sparkle Bunny Linnie Lou Who CooCooCachoo