I know it's been awhile. I officially moved into my own space in January and have been on my own since. Shadow comes in and out. His job has had him busy up until this weekend. I love my own space. It's quite. I can keep the lights dim and if the mood strikes me, I can sew all night.
What sucks is that I've had such a hard time adjusting my own inner self. It's almost like little and big have been fighting. Couple that with guilt trips from home and more chaos at the work place, I've been in a chaos state.
After more chaos and drama, I scheduled an emergency day off last Friday. I knew I was crashing and it was going to be bad. And it was. I didn't leave bed on Friday. It was safe under the comforter. I caught up on cartoons. I slept. Saturday was similar. Saturday it became Shadow mission to make sure I relax. I've avoided the computer and my phone. I've dodged phone calls. Just the thought of dealing with people and their energy was to much. Today, Shadow finally decided to leave me for a bit. I know it sounds crazy, but the thought of going outside on my own, even to get the mail, that was to much.
This usually happens once a year. Where I curl up into myself and take refuge in the fact I'm little. There has been so much I've tried to deal with lately, that my usual scheduled time was put on hold. While I'm proud of the fact I made it as long as I did, it was to much of a push. Part of me wonders if I can even manage going to work in the morning. The last couple weeks where hard on me emotionally.
I like to think I have good control of my anxiety. I have been doing more. I've been able to go out on my own to the store and the fabric store. I even made it to get my ring fixed! I want to think this will pass. That I'll wake up and my energy will be back. I know I need more then a couple days.
