About a month ago, Shadow started talking about dating again. He’d met someone. Though I’ve always known that we weren’t dating, this still caused a panic for me. I love my Daddy. He has given me so much. I know I came to this path on my own to let my inner little out, but he had given me so much during this journey. He’s protected me, encouraged me, hugged me when I needed it and cheered me on when things were going good. I know we don’t always work as a couple, but we do as Daddy/Daughter. I’m scared to death of losing my best friend.
Part of me just wants to fade away into the background and let him move on. We’ve talked about this and I know he doesn’t want that. He still asks that I wear my ring. He’s worried about me, but I’ve been lost as to what to do now. I don’t know how to act at all. He’s work schedule has caused him to not be around like he once was. I just feel like he doesn’t need his little girl anymore. Although, I’ve been in the market for a boyfriend for a while, I’ve used Shadow as a cover to protect myself while I find myself. People scare me. A lot… I didn’t have to worry about that with him. I was protected. I was safe… I had Daddy.
A lot of people don’t know I’ve never been close to my real dad. We’ve struggled over the years. We don’t communicate much at all. In fact, the only time we are close on any level, is when my siblings aren’t around. I’m just not like them at all. Shadow had given me the daddy I had craved. He let me be a princess. When he started his new job, it was nights, and part of me was scared I’d be forgotten. My dad has worked nights all but 2 years of my life. It’s something that affected me far more than I ever thought it would. I gave Shadow time. I knew he’d need to adjust. I tried to so hard to be a big girl and not put stress on him. But then, he told me he’d met someone. He has tried hard to reassure me I wouldn’t be forgotten. This is a conversation we’ve had many times over the past 2 years.
I didn’t think it would be this hard to be in a DD/LG relationship when it’s was based on a friendship. Maybe it’s just me because I don’t understand how someone who helped save me from myself, who has known me inside and out, would suddenly change. Again… I know it’s me, I think anyway.
