How did we get here?

I remember the day the beginning of the end started. I was in the truck with Shadow on Lake Hills Connector, a funky doo road between our home and downtown. I don’t remember what the conversation was about exactly, but one thing he said stuck with me from that day onward.

“you’re a little girl who just wants her daddy to love her.”

There as a bit of kink tied to that remark, but we both knew there was truth to it as well. It hit that hidden part and I was scared. Someone knew. Someone knew the one thing I had tried so very hard to hide as deep as I could. I had locked her up in a cabinet within a closet in a bolted room. Each door leading to it had a tighter lock, and yet that day, with that comment, he unlocked the one of the first.

Though Shadow and I ended the relationship, after a brief period the friendship started again. During that time, I had lost everything and everyone I held dear. I was having issues with my own family, because I had further broken down in to a state they didn’t understand. I wanted to play with my dolls. I talked with fairies and chased butterflies. I was becoming a Little. Something they had fought to keep me from doing, but now, as an adult in her late 20’s, I fought back. This was me and for the first time ever, I felt good about me.

When Shadow and I started talking again, he noticed the change. He became more protective of me when I was in that little mindset. He was more careful and worked hard to gain my trust as a little. Late November was when he had asked if I’d call him Daddy. Even though the term wasn’t new to me since I’d had another during our brief period apart, it felt right when I used the term for him. He gave me a new name, one that I cherish and continued to work with me. He encouraged me with the things that mattered, he’d listen to my rambling at silly o’clock, scolded me when I had chocolate and pop for breakfast and held me when I was sad. Shadow knew he had someone that counted on him and looked up to him. We helped each other grow. I knew that when everyone else would turn their back on me, he’d be there with that smile. He’d stopped me from closing the door to the world and loosing something very dear to me.

It was February of this year that a huge turning point came. The cabinet was opened and that true little self, the little Lolita hiding there was let out. I felt so free in that moment. We had been lying in bed and he told me that he’d never let me go through anything icky alone again. At that moment I hadn’t realized what had happened, but when I did I cried. That purist part, that little Lolita doll in the cabinet will always be his. Just as he will always be my Daddy.