2nd round of therapy and little things

Finished my second round of physical therapy tonight. Last time I was majorly sore once the ice wore off and am curious to see how tonight goes. While I’ve been walking around more and for longer periods of time without the boot, it still gets painful after a while. I haven’t been living on pain meds of any kind though. Maybe that’s the masochist in me.

I’ve been trying really hard to be good to myself. I haven’t felt the need to elevate my foot while at work on another chair, though I’ve been using a turned over garbage can as a foot rest. I’m scared to wear a shoe on that foot still. I’m REALLY scared I’m going to turn it again, even if I am in my shape-ups. 

Surgery was brought up again tonight, but I told them I really wanted to hold off until the left one is looked at more. Even while working today, I could tell I was leaning more heavily on the current injured foot. I also decided that I really don’t want surgery until I move. While I know that sounds stupid, there have been reminders since this happened that my family isn’t super supportive and understanding that I’m limited. Then I go and push myself too far to do everything they expect me to do. Well… I shouldn’t generalize that. It’s mainly my dad. Between my foot and my cat, it’s just reminders of why I have a hard time here. It’s hard to say I’m scared and I want this to heal right without hearing ‘get over it.’ It was that attitude that left me with a limp from my left foot. I’d like to think I’ve learned my lesson since then.

It was also a good reminder as to why I always looked for a daddy figure. Yes, I know I have some daddy issues, at the same time I’m a little girl inside that wants to play and color and occasionally build a fort in the living room. At the same time, I know when to be big. If I could now, Korick would be waiting at the front door for when I came home and there would be a sippy cup of cranberry juice in the fridge every night when I got home. That’s not even a daddy thing but more a comfort to my little self when I’ve had an ick day. I just want quite for a little bit and comfort something I didn’t get today when I got home from therapy. There was comfort in my sketch book… even though that was in short bursts as my hand would allow… I hate being fucking crippled!!!

Through all of this though, I’ve decided my neck project for my little self will be footy jammies. I’m actually really excited for this one. I’ll have to find just the right fabric for such a thing and it must match the pink binky!