Birthday Nails

Pinkie Pie inspired nails

I don't normally do things for my birthday. Since I was little, I've believed I was hexed. Bad things just seem to happen around my birthday, either to me or the people I love. After last year with the broken ankle and one of my cats being a problem child, I again thought that maybe, just maybe, this one might be different.

While I was 2 weeks out of surgery, my nail lady and I discussed having my birthday at the salon. They actually do do parties there. So, I set it up. I wasn't in my right mind when I did either so it never made it into my phone.

Fast forward to this week. I had no memory of even setting this up. None. Wednesday, family was asking about times and what not right after a day where I'd forgotten had a physical therapy appointment and how to do a major part of my job. To top things off, to calm down after the pt incident, I went for a long walk in my beloved graveyard. It was to much. I had a meltdown. I told everyone where to shove it and that all I wanted was a happy meal in a pink Draculaura bucket, an ice cream cake and to be left alone. So my sister planned my party.

It was wonderful. Miss Christina had cake and even got me a new little stuffed friend. There was wine... well I had half a glass, wine isn't one of my things. I wanted to enjoy time with my mom and sister and brother's girlfriend. I was happy and little and giggly.

Birthday goodies!!!

New little friend!

 The downside. The night before one of my sister's childhood friends took a turn for the worst. She's loosing her fight against cancer. Her birthday is on the 31st and if she makes it, she'll be 27. I told my sister that we can do my party another day. I insisted in fact because I knew she wasn't going to be up for it. She pushed that it was my birthday and since I don't party hard, the nail date was happening. Before we even left the house for the spa, my mom had a meltdown of her own and was miserable almost the whole time. There was a brief moment when she fell asleep that she seemed happy. Nothing could cheer her up. By the end of it, I was just ready to go home and take a nap and be done with the day.

My dinner wasn't much better. Talk revolved around death and how the sister's friend was fairing. Mom was still in her own little meltdown and then booze started flowing. So... I went into hiding. Shadow was over and hanging out with the men folk. I don't think he caught how shattered I was until late into the evening and that's when he decided I needed sake.

Today wasn't much better and I know Shadow tried. I'm not doing this again next year. What makes me more upset about the whole thing is that I was little. I was excited and happy and wanted this to be a good thing. I turn 30 next year and I'm not celebrating it. I'm not having my little girl heart shattered again because things fall apart around me and everyone feels like shit because they've ruined my birthday. When booze was thrown into the mix, it just made me feel more awkward around my family because I don't really care to drink. It really makes it hard to have discussions with people when they are mourning a life being cut short and your thinking of how awesome it would be to have a bed with guard rails. (seriously, I want a crib. Think of how awesome that would be! And how safe you'd feel!!! ok... maybe it's just me)

I need to make big changes for 29. Big, just for Ania changes. I know I pledge that every birthday, but this time it has to happen. My arm is healing, even though it's slow. I'm looking at it as a sign things will get better and that I can get back to that happy little carefree place again.

Going to work with Mama!

Hey guys! I meant to post this sooner but with Mama's surgery and her not leaving me the passwords for the computer, I didn't get a chance before she'd left! Mama is resting loads and Korick went with her like planned, but Mama will be writing about that on her main blog. In the meantime, I'm going to tell you about my adventure to work with her!

We got up super early and I got to wear my pretty Lolita dress. I asked Mama to wear her's so we could be twins, but she said that she couldn't get away with her frills at her job unless it was Halloween.

We got to ride in her work's vanpool! Mama is the first stop so she gets to ride in the front seat! I tried to take this picture of traffic but the van was always bumpy! Mama said this was really light traffic compared to what she deals with every other day.

It was super foggy too! I tried to get a pic of the Seattle skyline but you can't even see it! I promise the Space Needle and the Great Wheel and the stadiums are in there! They are just lost in the clouds, which was still really cool.

When we got to Mama's work, the fog had started to burn off. This is a picture of the hospital. The brick building with the flag pole in front of it is the main hospital, where mom got me coffee from! The one ahead of it is a bunch of smaller clinics. Mama jokes that the hospital will be the site of a zombie outbreak. She says it's super creepy in the fog and we're located directly across from a graveyard. An OLD graveyard, but more on that laters.

Mama said she had to go work the front counter for a little while first thing so she left me at her desk in back... well... she left me at her friend's desk in back. I decided to try and help PettiePet do some work... except I have no idea what any of them do! They call the office Medical Records and there are old dusty charts and they play music. The people that work there, not the records. Though that would be SUPER COOL!!! It was really boring actually. I filled in for mom as best as I could.

People where stopping by and leaving cards for Mama though. They would see me and comment on my cuteness and leave the cards with me. So I guess I was helpful a little! I also almost got stolen by a guy in Mama's vanpool! He'd made it to the door before she noticed. I was so scared!!! I didn't know if Mama would find me again! I remember the stories JillyBean had told me about the people that worked there stealing her!

By lunch time Mama was really stressed. So I asked if we could go explore the graveyard for a little bit. Mama's friend Carebear actually insisted that we go when I suggested it. So I was packed into my bag and we went on and adventure to 'visit the neighbors'.

 We entered the graveyard at the Jewish cemetery. We found a grave for this little girl on the main path. Mama asked her if she'd mind having her picture taken with me. Mama said it would be good since she was so young when she left this plane to have a brief cuddle with someone so pink and cuddly.

 I then found the most awesome tree!!! I see my cousin Thomas Marshal climb trees all the time so i hiked up my skirt and climbed up best I could! It was so cool and I managed to not get dirty! Mama says if I want to contiue this climbing trees thing, we will need to find me shoes. Slippers don't count either :(

 I saw this angel and wanted to have my picture taken with her. It was really high up though! Mama was on her tip toes to help me up and Mama is tall!

 See how high up I am!!!

 Next Mama said we needed to visit one of her Daddy markers. She said she has a lot that she's found but, this one is special. He was the first she found. She stops by and talks to him now and then. So I decided to lay next to him and whisper some secrets that Mama couldn't hear. He's a very good listener! Mama says she has pictures of all her Daddy markers and a map that shoes where about they are. It was a project she gave herself when she was taking the bus and had time to kill in the morning.

 Next place Mama wanted to go was also really special to her. It's called the Tower of Chimes. It's a military monument with a huge hill with pretty white markers for people who've served in different branches of the military. Mama has a soft spot for military men.

 I found another tree to climb on the way there. You can see me tail!

 There are 2 cannons that mark the entrance to the tower. Mama wouldn't let me climb inside. There where spiders. I don't want spiders in my undies!!! I talked with the soldiers for a little bit and walked around the towers. It's way up on a hill so we could look down on everything. It was really pretty.

 Mama says this is a Fairy Tree! She stops by and makes a wish on it every time she's in the graveyard. I decided I wanted a picture standing under it. It had such lovely energy.

This was in front of a family shrine. Mama says there is a whole part of the cemetery dedicated to asian cultures, but we wouldn't have time to make it over today.

 There was a little garden area just behind the shrine with a little pond and my size waterfall. This was on the bridge over the water. Mama said the water needed to be cleaned. It smelt like a dirty fish tank!

 You can't see it here, but the water is between me and mom as I posed on this marker. It had a lovely little bench to sit on so you could talk with the angel.

 We passed by this mouse marker! I had to have a picture in front of it! How cool is this mouse!!!

 Full marker.

 This pyramid marks another section of the cemetery. Mama said it was Greek orthodox. A long time ago, Mama said she use to feed 2 crows that would meet her at the front gate. She'd named them Apollo and Demeter. She said she doesn't go to the pyramid anymore after finding Apollo at the base of it. Mama did say that the pyramid it's has an interesting history. It use to be a little altre area but the inside has been left to ruin. There where pictures of saints inside at one time but have long since rotted away. It's kind of sad... Mama said that there are a few of the pieces still inside, but the doors are chained shut so you can't get in. You get lucky sometimes and they are open enough to peek in. But again, Mama refused to get closer because of the memory of her lost feathered friend.

It was about this time that Mama looked down at her phone and realized we only had 2 minutes of lunch left. This meant that we didn't get to see some of the other things she'd talked about :( I was really disappointed but I didn't want Mama to get in trouble at work. I took this picture of Mama's building to show that she really is neighbors with the graveyard. The windows to her office are the second floor ones and covered by the trees. It was kind of cool!

So we returned to the work thing where Mama stressed more and I was BOOOOORED. So so bored... I did take a nap though.

Did i show you the coffee I got though! It's a venti pumpkin spice latte and it was HUGE!!! Like... really huge! Mama said I had to share. I've never seen so much coffee!!! Who drinks this much coffee!?! Mama then explained it's the only way she's been making it through work the last month or so with everything she's had to deal with. She also managed to spill a whole one of these on someone super important at the hospital. She says it was because of her bad hand but... I don't know... >_>

OH!!! Most importantly!!! Mama gave me my own log in to post with for the blog!!! Now things will be under my name! She said I might even be able to get my own bookface account like Lambie!!

Goodbye R2

Yesterday, my sweet little R2 passed on from this plane to the next. While I suspected he wasn't well, I didn't expect him to go so quickly. I had picked up a replacement perch for him since his favorite one broke, when I put it in the cage, I could tell he wasn't himself. He was eating though. About an hour later my mom told me she had heard him falling from his perch repeatedly that morning. At that moment, he fell again. I grabbed the softest towel I could find, wrapped him up in it and for the first time since I've had him, was able to hold and pet him without him trying to take my finger off.

R2 was formerly Blue Bird. I adopted him from a daycare when his mate had died. I got him as a mate for my brother's budgie that I had taken in. Unfortunately, Miss Cuddle Pie left us that same year, but I promised R2 I would let him live out his days with me. I couldn't see putting him through another adoption and shuffling him from another home or having him tormented by children again.

In the 3 years since I've had him, I only recently got him to trust me enough to sit on my finger. I couldn't take him from the cage. I couldn't hold him or pet him like I could Cuddle. I would sit and talk with him daily though. While I feel good that I kept my promise to him, I still feel bad that he's gone. I held him until the end and then I put him with Cuddle. While part of me giggles when I saw 'I lost R2!', but then it's followed by crying and littleness. While I'm happy he didn't suffer long, I'm still sad my little bird is gone.

On Death and Time Keys

It’s Saturday night and I’m home alone, snuggled on the couch in my blanky with Theo. It’s been so crazy that I haven’t had much time for these types of little moments. So I’m savoring this one for my own sanity.

Death has been a constant black cloud over my family recently. The most recent one being someone very very dear to me, my great grandpa Murphy. He was someone I admired greatly. He taught me how to make his famous fudge and even gave me his beloved fudge pot when he decided to pass on the torch. I feel bad I didn’t make him fudge more. I wasn’t able to go to his service, but I sent a big batch of his fudge in my place. From what I’ve heard, it not only made people cry, but it was fought over and savored because it was just like his. It helped heal the hole he’s left in my heart some.

Unfortunately, there was a lot of drama around his passing with the family. Everything from how grandpa Murph was taken care of in his last months and how I ultimately found out about his passing. Add that to my mother’s own issues and I was barely able to hold a smile  or not go into sobs at the drop of a hat.

Though I have a larger adopted family online, there are some things that virtual hugs couldn’t fix. This whole situation was one of them. I spent a day snuggled against Daddy Shadow in and out of sleep. That was the day after I found out about grandpa and I was far to shattered to do much of anything except retreat into my little self and hide behind Daddy and my teddy.

I mean, I’ve colored and played dolls, but I’m so emotionally drained that I’ve become a whiny brat from it. I just want snuggles right now and know that someone is close and that, for a little while, I’m protected from the icky things in the big wide world. 

Recently, I bought a necklace that was a custom creation. It’s my personal representation of ChibiUsa’s time key and silver crystal. I wear it daily as a reminder that of who I am inside. I always admired ChibiUsa without really knowing why, but then when I got in touch of that little side of myself, I understood more. For someone 900 years old, she works hard to deal with the big wide world… but she’s also protected by her Daddy.

My Time Key and Silver Crystal. The pink sapphire on top is another ChibiUsa/ Sailor Moon reminder.

ChibiUsa's necklace from the Sailor Moon manga

Though I adore Shadow Boo, I hope that one day I have a permanent guardian.