Birthday Nails

Pinkie Pie inspired nails

I don't normally do things for my birthday. Since I was little, I've believed I was hexed. Bad things just seem to happen around my birthday, either to me or the people I love. After last year with the broken ankle and one of my cats being a problem child, I again thought that maybe, just maybe, this one might be different.

While I was 2 weeks out of surgery, my nail lady and I discussed having my birthday at the salon. They actually do do parties there. So, I set it up. I wasn't in my right mind when I did either so it never made it into my phone.

Fast forward to this week. I had no memory of even setting this up. None. Wednesday, family was asking about times and what not right after a day where I'd forgotten had a physical therapy appointment and how to do a major part of my job. To top things off, to calm down after the pt incident, I went for a long walk in my beloved graveyard. It was to much. I had a meltdown. I told everyone where to shove it and that all I wanted was a happy meal in a pink Draculaura bucket, an ice cream cake and to be left alone. So my sister planned my party.

It was wonderful. Miss Christina had cake and even got me a new little stuffed friend. There was wine... well I had half a glass, wine isn't one of my things. I wanted to enjoy time with my mom and sister and brother's girlfriend. I was happy and little and giggly.

Birthday goodies!!!

New little friend!

 The downside. The night before one of my sister's childhood friends took a turn for the worst. She's loosing her fight against cancer. Her birthday is on the 31st and if she makes it, she'll be 27. I told my sister that we can do my party another day. I insisted in fact because I knew she wasn't going to be up for it. She pushed that it was my birthday and since I don't party hard, the nail date was happening. Before we even left the house for the spa, my mom had a meltdown of her own and was miserable almost the whole time. There was a brief moment when she fell asleep that she seemed happy. Nothing could cheer her up. By the end of it, I was just ready to go home and take a nap and be done with the day.

My dinner wasn't much better. Talk revolved around death and how the sister's friend was fairing. Mom was still in her own little meltdown and then booze started flowing. So... I went into hiding. Shadow was over and hanging out with the men folk. I don't think he caught how shattered I was until late into the evening and that's when he decided I needed sake.

Today wasn't much better and I know Shadow tried. I'm not doing this again next year. What makes me more upset about the whole thing is that I was little. I was excited and happy and wanted this to be a good thing. I turn 30 next year and I'm not celebrating it. I'm not having my little girl heart shattered again because things fall apart around me and everyone feels like shit because they've ruined my birthday. When booze was thrown into the mix, it just made me feel more awkward around my family because I don't really care to drink. It really makes it hard to have discussions with people when they are mourning a life being cut short and your thinking of how awesome it would be to have a bed with guard rails. (seriously, I want a crib. Think of how awesome that would be! And how safe you'd feel!!! ok... maybe it's just me)

I need to make big changes for 29. Big, just for Ania changes. I know I pledge that every birthday, but this time it has to happen. My arm is healing, even though it's slow. I'm looking at it as a sign things will get better and that I can get back to that happy little carefree place again.

Find more then Snow Bite

I went to Target today with the goal of buying Snow Bite if I found her. I got to the Monster High section of the doll aisle and found a little girl and her grandma. I always get nervous when I go to raid a toy section when other people are present, but as I stood trying to keep my cool I overheard the little girl comment on all the details of the dolls she had lined up to choose from. I saw 2 on my list in her line up and I asked her if she collected. Grandma kind of looked stunned while I carried on a 10 minute conversation with this girl about her collection.

Snow Bite from Amazon

She asked who I was looking for and I told her Snow Bite and she was kind enough to tell me she already dug through the shelves and hadn't found any other then one of the ones I had. I looked again at the 2 she had in her line up on my list. I looked her in the eyes and told her that if I were to walk out of the store with one of them, it would be Jennifire because she's a really hot doll right now, but the Clawdeen would be a close second. Her face lit up when I said that. And while I didn't walk away with a doll and resisted the urge to run back to the aisle to see who she picked, I felt really good about that chat with that little girl. I saw myself in her when I was that little and she just spoke to my heart.

I don’t always talk to kids out of fear their parents will freak out, but grandma didn’t seem to mind.