Back to little... sorta

It's nice to see that Sakura Bunny has been taking over for me while I've been recovering. It's been kind of hard on me, but I've been thankful that both Korick and Sakura Bunny have been there to cuddle when I've had bad times. I haven't really been up for much of anything. I've re-centered though and am feeling more like myself and little.

It's been easier to deal with emotions since I got back to being my little self. I still amaze myself at how much easier it is to process things when I'm back in my little mindset. This experience has helped me see the difference between being myself and being the true 4 year old. I know Daddy tried really hard to be there, but I also know I did burn him out early on about the time I started going a bit manic and not sleeping. When I was in the hospital though and they where sticking needles in me and all of that. Shadow was right there when I cried for him and held my hand. Before he left for the night, he tucked Korick into bed with me and told me that he'd have his phone on if I needed him. Which of course I did... until about 2 am.

I've been scared to use my crayons and color books and to draw. My mom took and hid my sewing machine. I tried to sew once already and it didn't end well. The project turned out, but there was sobbing... a lot of it and pain. So, hiding with Korick has been what the agenda has been for the past few days since then.

Now, on to cupcake flavored goldfish crackers and cartoons.

Updates from Sakura Bunny

 

Haha! You hadn't heard the last from me! Mom's not been feeling all that well lately, so I'm giving an update so she can rest. Aren't I the sweetest?!

Korick recently ordered himself scrubs and is trying to pass himself off as a doctor. The past few days he's been going to work with Mom. He said she was needing 24 care. I think he was making stuff up to go back to work with her. Either way, the people in Mom's office are SUPER nice to him when he goes and always excited to see him. Last week, they even gave him his own desk to work at!

He's still trying to pass off as a doctor. One of the doctors Mom works with said that he might be a little short to work in the OR. Another nurse that works with the people that will be fixing Mom said that even though he has scrubs, doesn't mean his medical license if valid to work in the OR with them. But she did say he can stay with her until she goes into surgery and for course stay with her over night. He's still trying to convince them he can assist in the procedure. I don't buy it. I don't think playing Doctor X: Vampire Edition qualifies as medical schooling.

He has been doing a super job of helping Mom though and I guess that's what's important. Even if it's just by bringing a smile to her face... and often times to others.

On Friday, he was a Jedi. He almost got stolen twice for his cuteness.

So while Korick has been busy with Mom, I've been helping her pick out comfy cuddly things. My Favorite is this super soft and super cuddly blanket. It's light weight and just dreamy to snuggle with.

Luna B agrees. She's been sleeping on it every chance she gets no matter where it is!

I also suggest Mom get some new jammies since the ones grandma promised to make are still not even cut yet. We found these awesome black cat ones and some really cute Hello Kitty ankle socks! Of course they are Halloween themed... but that didn't seem to phase Mom to much.

The pink slippers are the newest purchase. The nurse Mom had talked with the other day had suggested bringing a pair since Mom will be sleeping over at the hospital. We'd found this super cool pair of Monster High slippers but... they where out of Mom's size. We tried a couple different stores but didn't have any luck. We found this pink pair that are really soft and comfortable AND they have bottoms with grips so Mom won't slip and hurt herself. This was a slipper feature Grandma was adimate about seeing as how mom has a bad track record with hurting herself.

Yesterday we went out with Daddy. We got ramon noodles and Mom curled up and slept when she got to his house. There was some much needed cuddle time with the 4 of us (Simba kitty curled up with us on the bed and Daddy was trying to find where he could fit! XD) Mama lost her hoodie recently and she was threatening to steal one of Daddy's. He said he had the perfect one for her to keep forever since he couldn't wear it.

ISN'T IT AWESOME!!! It actually goes with mine and Korick's travel bag!

That really about wraps it up for what's been going on. This week might be high stress for Mama. She actually asked me if I wanted to come with her to work tomorrow! Of course I said yes! I will try and explore and get some pictures. Korick says that while it's a lot of fun to go to work with Mom, we're there to do a job. Most of the time it's to take care of Mom, but sometimes it's to make others smile too. I'm a little nervous because that's a lot of responsibility. Korick's tried to teach me what he knows but... well we will see. I still have to decide what to wear!!!

Belated Merry Christmas

Despite the usual family drama that comes with the holidays, I had a very good Christmas. I got 5 dolls in total. 4 Monster High and 1 Pullip doll I'd been wanting, but always talked myself out of.

Black Diamond

Out of everyone this year it was Daddy that surprised me most. For one, he's had a rough year. I wasn't expecting much at all from him and had prepared myself for that. I was surprised to not only get a gifty but a couple and nothing video game related!!! Ok... maybe there was one thing, but even that was meant to appeal to my little side because there where instructions to get little appropriate gamies for my 3DS! :D I knew for sure I had a Monster High doll, what one was anyone's guess, but I opened a create a monster pack that had 2 dollies i have not had yet! So I have an art project now. Miss Diamond was different because I had taken the doll off of my Amazon wishlist about a week or so ago because I'd talked myself out of her. And yet, she's coming and it's only because she isn't a froofroo girly pink doll!

This Christmas was a bit of a milestone as it was the first I felt comfortable enough with myself to be little. This went from singing Christmas music when in little head space (which thankfully only one person witnessed!) to staying up tracking Santa on Christmas Eve. I was open about this and heck! I even wore my sleeper I made! I even didn't pay much attention when a family member, who'd I'd not seen in several months, poked fun at the fact I spent a day in my sleeper, with my teddy and a sippy cup watching cartoons. Well, at least I didn't show it outwardly.

There where things however, that brought me down. Christmas is general a hard time for me mentally, even with this year being as fun as it was. There where still those dark moments of doubt and fear and shame. While I know why they are there and what triggered them, for the most part I've tried to not focus on those things. I know that I will need to sort them out. Right now I'm just proud of the fact I didn't let them drain the fun out of the holiday.

I hope you and yours had a magical holiday season and have a bright new year. :)