Wardrobe Update!!!

So... when mom got back from her stay in the hospital, she came back to this mass pile on her doorstep.

 

This was like, 5 packages guys!!!

All just piled up waiting there for poor old drugged mom to try and walk over. She was super drugged and she had a happy meal according to Korick. I still haven't found what she did with her toy yet. Grandma brought in the hoard for her and mom got to use a pair of scissors for the first time in several months. It was all gifties from our cousins in Ireland. And most of them where for ME!!!

If you are easily sick at the sight of pink, skip this post. There is A LOT of it. Like a lot a lot. Like OMG a lot! Some mom had bought because she couldn't find them in the states but most of them our cousins picked out. You've been warned.

 This first cute number is my very own set of pajamas! They came with matching slippers and a bow! Since mama has been in her pjs so much, Korick and I have been living in ours too! Well... I don't know if Korick really counts because he's almost always in pajamas. Mama says it's cause he smells familure but I don't know. He smells like lavender fabric softener to me!

 You may have noticed the ear peaking over the pillow in the last picture. That's one of our many fox friends. His name is Pancake and he's so adorable! He wonderfully floppy!

 Next is an outfit mama bought for me! It's a Halloween Hello Kitty outfit!!! Mama says I will need a bow to match but... HELLO KITTY!!! And spiders!!! AND HALLOWEEN!!!

 This is a wonderfully glittery white tip with puffy princess sleeves and pink pants. You can't tell in the picture but, you can see my panties through them!!! I can't go camando either! Mama says that she has some new undies coming that will work better for my lighter clothes.

 To break up the pink, here's Korick in his new outfit! Mama has hunted for years for an outfit that would match the character Daddy named him after. She had to order it from the Build-A-Bear site in Europe but she finally got it! Except for the boots, we got those here. The HUGS text is embroidered on and mama said she might take it off for him.

 Next is a Hellow Kitty top! She's a geek! The skirt I've had and since I don't own all but 1 pair of pants (thank you again Aunty!!!) The next several photos will have the same skirt since showing my panties is not cool. At all!!! Nope nope nope!

 Cheer-leading Hello Kitty top!

 Pretty pink heart hoodie with super cute bow but NO EAR HOLES!!! Mama says might ears may never find a hoodie that will fit them. Oh well!

Pink camo hoodie!

 Pretty purple outfit!!! You can't see it, but it has a really cute pink belt!

 Pretty pink sweeter Aunty had made for me! AND I HAVE SUNGLASSES NOW!!! AND THEY ARE PINK!!!

 This is a really cute bunny sleeper Aunty had ordered for me but... it's a little big. Mama is going to see if she can alter it once her hand feels better... and Grandma gives back her sewing machine. Seriousely guys, she hid Mom's sewing machine! Who does that!?!

 I got a few goodies in the package too! the bear case is the case for my glasses. The Hello Kitty wand thing was full of candy. The turtle is darling but we're not sure where to put him yet! Mama tried to put him on the medication bag she had to carry with her for a few days, but he got caught on all the things so that was a no go.

 AND I got this super cute Hello Kitty smallfry!!! She has a tan!

She came with a cute little bikini too and a hoodie that matches Koricks. We didn't get a picture of that one though.

If you made it this far, you survived the sea of PINK!!! I now Mama posted earlier, but she hasn't always been sleeping so good. So I've gotten to watch some really weird cartoons at night/wee hours of morning. I've also discovered infomercials! Not necessarily a good thing but, entertaining none the less.
 Thank you for reading guys!

Back to little... sorta

It's nice to see that Sakura Bunny has been taking over for me while I've been recovering. It's been kind of hard on me, but I've been thankful that both Korick and Sakura Bunny have been there to cuddle when I've had bad times. I haven't really been up for much of anything. I've re-centered though and am feeling more like myself and little.

It's been easier to deal with emotions since I got back to being my little self. I still amaze myself at how much easier it is to process things when I'm back in my little mindset. This experience has helped me see the difference between being myself and being the true 4 year old. I know Daddy tried really hard to be there, but I also know I did burn him out early on about the time I started going a bit manic and not sleeping. When I was in the hospital though and they where sticking needles in me and all of that. Shadow was right there when I cried for him and held my hand. Before he left for the night, he tucked Korick into bed with me and told me that he'd have his phone on if I needed him. Which of course I did... until about 2 am.

I've been scared to use my crayons and color books and to draw. My mom took and hid my sewing machine. I tried to sew once already and it didn't end well. The project turned out, but there was sobbing... a lot of it and pain. So, hiding with Korick has been what the agenda has been for the past few days since then.

Now, on to cupcake flavored goldfish crackers and cartoons.

Updates from Sakura Bunny

 

Haha! You hadn't heard the last from me! Mom's not been feeling all that well lately, so I'm giving an update so she can rest. Aren't I the sweetest?!

Korick recently ordered himself scrubs and is trying to pass himself off as a doctor. The past few days he's been going to work with Mom. He said she was needing 24 care. I think he was making stuff up to go back to work with her. Either way, the people in Mom's office are SUPER nice to him when he goes and always excited to see him. Last week, they even gave him his own desk to work at!

He's still trying to pass off as a doctor. One of the doctors Mom works with said that he might be a little short to work in the OR. Another nurse that works with the people that will be fixing Mom said that even though he has scrubs, doesn't mean his medical license if valid to work in the OR with them. But she did say he can stay with her until she goes into surgery and for course stay with her over night. He's still trying to convince them he can assist in the procedure. I don't buy it. I don't think playing Doctor X: Vampire Edition qualifies as medical schooling.

He has been doing a super job of helping Mom though and I guess that's what's important. Even if it's just by bringing a smile to her face... and often times to others.

On Friday, he was a Jedi. He almost got stolen twice for his cuteness.

So while Korick has been busy with Mom, I've been helping her pick out comfy cuddly things. My Favorite is this super soft and super cuddly blanket. It's light weight and just dreamy to snuggle with.

Luna B agrees. She's been sleeping on it every chance she gets no matter where it is!

I also suggest Mom get some new jammies since the ones grandma promised to make are still not even cut yet. We found these awesome black cat ones and some really cute Hello Kitty ankle socks! Of course they are Halloween themed... but that didn't seem to phase Mom to much.

The pink slippers are the newest purchase. The nurse Mom had talked with the other day had suggested bringing a pair since Mom will be sleeping over at the hospital. We'd found this super cool pair of Monster High slippers but... they where out of Mom's size. We tried a couple different stores but didn't have any luck. We found this pink pair that are really soft and comfortable AND they have bottoms with grips so Mom won't slip and hurt herself. This was a slipper feature Grandma was adimate about seeing as how mom has a bad track record with hurting herself.

Yesterday we went out with Daddy. We got ramon noodles and Mom curled up and slept when she got to his house. There was some much needed cuddle time with the 4 of us (Simba kitty curled up with us on the bed and Daddy was trying to find where he could fit! XD) Mama lost her hoodie recently and she was threatening to steal one of Daddy's. He said he had the perfect one for her to keep forever since he couldn't wear it.

ISN'T IT AWESOME!!! It actually goes with mine and Korick's travel bag!

That really about wraps it up for what's been going on. This week might be high stress for Mama. She actually asked me if I wanted to come with her to work tomorrow! Of course I said yes! I will try and explore and get some pictures. Korick says that while it's a lot of fun to go to work with Mom, we're there to do a job. Most of the time it's to take care of Mom, but sometimes it's to make others smile too. I'm a little nervous because that's a lot of responsibility. Korick's tried to teach me what he knows but... well we will see. I still have to decide what to wear!!!

The Importance of Stuffies

About a month ago, I finally broke down and took Korick into Build-a-Bear workshop for a restuffing. As I've posted in the past, I had toyed with doing it on my own. I sew... a lot and rather well. I make dolls and my little play clothes and anything else I can come up with. I've restored stuffies before. When it came to Korick however, I couldn't bring myself to take the seam ripper to him. I was so distraught over the thought, friends from across the pond, even Daddy Shadow at one time, offered to do it if BABW no longer offered the service.

You really can't tell just how 'well loved' he is with clothes on.

Even after I had it confirmed they still will restful a bear, I stalled on doing it. The closest store is about a half hour from my home. Calling in a favor and an excuse for a double date with a friend, Daddy and I trekked out to Tacoma with Korick in tow. The closer we got to the BABW, the more I tried to bargain out of taking him in. Needless to say that didn't work. So we carried more poor deflated bear through the mall.

Now, I've been in to Build-a-Bear maybe once before. I went in to look for a brief moment, but this was at a time when I was not comfortable with who I was so I promptly ran out. The thought crossed my mind and I was easily distracted by a stuffed Pinkie Pie that I NEEDED TO HAVE!!!! Shadow pulled me in to a line at the register. The little girl in front of us was covered in ice cream and her dad was buying her a Pinkie Pie, to which I voice my want of the pretty pink pony again and was told no. Repeatedly.

Me: "Please!!!!"

Daddy: "No..."

Me: "But her daddy is getting her one!!!!"

Daddy: "Ania Boo, I will gladely carry a box from here through the mall. I will defend that box and my man hood through this mall, but I will not carry a pink pony in a girly back pack through this mall."

How is she NOT cute!?

While I do agree with him, I was mentally 4 at the time and this made no sense. I wanted the damn pony. I still want the pony, but I can't click that buy button on the website.

Anyway, we got to the counter and pulled out Korick from his hiding place in my bag. The sales rep was so excited to see such an old bear. She shouted to the other reps to come look at him. She started asking us about him and of course we explained his whole story. While she was doing this, she lifted his shirt and pulled out a pair of scissors. While what happened next is a bit of a blur, all I vividly remember is fighting back tears. She had cut open his back seam in one quick motion. So quick I think both Shadow and I were caught off guard. He swears I cried out, I don't remember it. I do remember him frantically trying to cover my eyes as she was rooting around inside poor Korick. It was too late at that moment. I was trying to so hard not to cry. There was no adult in me at that moment, I was full little. Shadow knew it, I knew it and I'm pretty sure the rep knew it as soon as she handed me Korick's heart to hold on to so it wouldn't get lost. I held on to that thing like my life depended on it. At that moment I was pretty sure my life did. She handed my poor cut open bear back to us and told us to wait by the stuffer to get him fluffed.

It was horrible. I could not stop crying. Shadow had to hold Korick because I was sure he was going to bleed out on me. He kept saying it was ok, Korick was ok, I'd be ok, everything was fine. We both knew this wasn't fine. I had already planned on making a friend, Shadow used that as a distraction. It failed... I could not stop crying. There where kids everywhere and I'm 28 and crying in a toy store. But I was 4 and my best friend was not given proper sedation and neither was I. I should have drank more at lunch.

After a tantrum and more crying, I picked out a new friend. They didn't have the HaraJuku Panda I had originally wanted and Pinkie Pie was off limits *grumble grumble* so we picked out a pink sakura flower themed bunny. I've never been a fan of the bunnies. I was crushed last year when I missed the sakura bear they had, but Shadow insisted that she was the one meant for me. He still had to hold on to Korick. I couldn't even look at him. I went between incontrollable sobbing and then pouting over them not having any of the HaraJuku Hugs pieces I wanted. I'm pretty sure Pinkie Pie was brought up again somewhere in there too.

After what seemed like forever of Korick bleeding all over the store (he wasn't, but dude, his heart was in my pocket! this cannot be healthy for a bear!!!) we got up to the front of the line for the stuffing machine. The poor kid working it was about to go on break, but see that we had no small children with us, she motioned us over. She started talking to us about Korick while she undressed him. This poor girl was an angel because she did pick up on how important he was and seeing I was in meltdown mode, she treated me like she would any other little kid having a meltdown. She was patient and that was something I greatly appreciated at that point because it's a rare person that understand an adult little in a meltdown.

There where hug tests to which both Shadow and I had to agree on. Shadow voted for Korick being buffer since he works so hard defending from monsters at night when he's not there. She asked if we wanted a new heart to which we both quickly said no too. We opted for no new wishes either, there is a sentiment in that heart as it is. Even the thought about it makes me tear up now. She asked if it was ok if she took Korick in back for further care in recovery (she had to stitch him up, but she wasn't going to tell us that. I might have bawled again -_-). She started on the pink bunny, that by that time I was referring to as Sakura Bunny. I hadn't even noticed I'd named it in all honesty. I had a cupcake scentiment put inside her which smells AMAZING!!! Though now I wish I'd done cotton candy since it is my all-time favorite.

Korick the Jedi Master and Sakura Bunny

While she took Korick to recovery, Shadow and I shopped for clothes for Sakura Bunny. Like any guy, he wasn’t too interested in this until I mentioned Korick needing a Jedi outfit. After 9 years, the poor bear has earned at least that much. When we got up to the counter with Sakura Bunny, they had Korick waiting there, all stitched up and dressed. After we paid, Shadow asked if I wanted ice cream. That’s about when the adult side started coming back and I realized how silly I’d been… then made it worse by getting cotton candy ice cream.

Princess Sakura Sparkle Bunny

 This was really the day that being little really set in, or at least what it means to be truly little. While I do still have my Care Bear from childhood, Korick is the one that my little self gravitated too. Even before I knew I was little. Rational thought left that day. I know he’s just stuffing and fake fur, but to the little self, he’s EVERYTHING. He’s comfort. I know he’s waiting when I get home. I think every little needs that cuddly that smells like home that speaks to their soul and keeps the monsters away. Maybe it isn’t a gift from someone, maybe even a gift to yourself. They are someone that won’t turn their back on you.

The Power of Teddy Bears

I’m sorry for the hiatus. It honestly wasn’t intended. Things kind of went topsy turvy and I kind of lost sight of things with it all. To much stress marks ShiShi have to be adult, being adult makes ShiShi all kinds of cranky. These periods often have episodes of full little breakdowns behind closed doors to where the only thing that can provide any comfort is my teddy bear, Korick.

Korick, was kind of a gateway to the little side of myself. This was something I had locked away deep down. I begged Daddy for a Build-a-Bear when we started dating. I threw fits. I HAD to have a teddy from there. Looking back, I feel horrible for having been such a brat about it. I don’t regret it though because over the years Korick was always there. When I let down my barriers, he was the one thing I had to have. With our breakup and everything, with all the ick, Korick was there.

Now, I honestly can’t see not having him. He is the last thing I see at night and the first thing I touch in the morning. There are times when I’m little and I don’t understand things and I’m confused, Korick is the only thing that I want for any kind of comfort. He’s the perfect kind of soft. I tug at him and kiss his nose. Often I just have to pet him and run my fingers through his fur and I start to regress. 

Recently, Korick went to the spa, ei the laundry room. After several years, he was showing he’d been well loved. He was washed, brushed and his pajamas fixed. He looks brand new. Since his fluff, I pet him more. It was odd that while my adult side tended to the brushing of the mattes in his fur and the putting of him in the washer, my little side was frantic to make sure her most cherished possession wasn’t ok. To be 27 and worry about if a stuffed animal can breathe or not in the wash was a little weird. Thankfully no one was around to witness that. 

My point is, not only are teddy bears good listeners to all the things, gateway drugs to all the things that are little about ones self, and protectors of us from the scary things that go bump in the night, but they are just generally awesome sauce. You don’t have to out grow them.