I've moved!!!

Hi guys! I offically have my own blog now!!! HURRAY!!!!

You can now find me over here The Adventures of Sakura Bunny and it's MINE!!! ALL MINE!!!!

So expect to hear more from me over there in my own little corner of the web now. :) I have a new adventure to post really soon too!!!

Mama will still keep this as her little bog. We just decided it was better for me to have my own space!

On Names

I know I've fallen out of posting again. Which sucks because I got Pinkie Pie for Christmas from my Shadow Boo and I love her to bits. There has also been a new sleep in the last week with pink bunnies on it. Which kind of brings me to what I wanted to talk about.

Lately, It's weighed more on my mind about different names I've gone by or given personas or even what friends have given me. There are names I hold dear and some I don't share while others, I just live as. :) My favorite has been Sparkle Bunny, which a very dear friend and coworker gave me. Which until recently, I never really thought about just how much meaning that name had.

I'm a huge Sailor Moon fan. ChibiUsa being my all time favorite character. When she first came into the series, she acted very adult for her age (but if you go by the comics, she IS very adult for her appearance being 900 years old) yet was alone, scared and confused. She wanted her Papa and her Luna P went everywhere with her. No matter what, she was always going to be the little bunny compared to her Mama, Sailor Moon.

It wasn't until the other day when I was thinking about me being little and how I use Sakura Bunny as an outlet sometimes that it hit me. I'd bought a small pink rabbit, a chibiusa. So now she's being mini moon for Halloween since I'm to tall and fat for the costume :P. Then there is the pink bunny pajamas, which I wouldn't have bought the fabric for is my mom had not insisted that I needed it... which I did. Then of course, it goes back to that nickname at work, Sparkle Bunny or Bunny. In my mind it just stuck and it never really dawned on me why. In my mind, I'm now Sailor Mini Moon thanks to the Doll at work. But really, I think it's it's an unconscious gravitation to a character I related too long before I was every out of the tower as a little.

Not the best one, but one of my favorites.

There are, of course, the names Shadow boo has given me over the years. One which is tied to my shop, Sheria Nightengale. He really only gave me the first part, the second she had always had. While the name was used for rp purposes originally, she just became part of who I am. Same with her sister Sassy Pheonix. I know both bird names are spelled wrong, but that's become part of the identity over the 10+ years of using both names.While Sassy has faded more into the back, Shi is and probably will always be a character and a symbol I use until I'm gone. The name means something and I'll answer to both names when called. Some friends from older long gone guilds, still know me as Sassy. Because of Shi though, I'm still drawn to the silhouettes of small birds because I like to think they are all nightingales.

Then there come the names that have been given to me by people who've faded from every day life for one reason or another. While I think they are gone from memory, something will happen that brings that name to the front of my mind. For the last 2 months, it's been the name Seito.

Seito was given to me by a dear friend. A friend that we dreamed big together and just all around clicked with. Unfortunately... there are things in life that get in the way and suddenly those big dreams crumble. Things remain whether you try and bury them or not. Seito was the name given to one of my lovely dolls as a symbol of that friendship even. At the time, she was one of my best pieces. It's always weird giving dolls to boys though.

For some reason, she didn't like to be photographed. I have a lot that are just not quite right.

Every now and then I think of her, but had disassociated with the name. I had thought I had at least until I was on my way to physical therapy. I normally cut through the graveyard as a time saver and a way to ground quickly before going to heal. On my walk, I pass through the Japanese section of the cemetery. I run myself through drills of pronouncing the names to try and remember the little bit of basic Japanese I remember. Then it caught my attention, just out of the blue. Something I'd passed a dozen or so times before.

It is spelled SETO on the marker, but it's close enough I had to double take and still do months later. I haven't even gotten the courage to take a photo of it, which I thought I had by now. It's a rather large marker too. There was no reason to miss it, but I had until that moment. It stayed in the background of my mind, still there, but not dominating it. Then, within the last couple of weeks, I came across charts with the last name being Seito. Again, I was stopped in my tracks. The same charts keep popping up now in my work. Something needs to be scanned that brings me back to the memories tied with that name.

I have a rule about things showing up like that. The cosmos is trying to tell you something, no matter how hard you fight it, it's trying too.

While the name still has significance to what became a turning point in my life, I still try to forget the tie to it. Even this post was something toyed with until, again, the name was on my desk, staring me down today.

Then I reminded myself that names aren't always tied to all bad things. Words have meanings, both good and bad. Memories tied to them that are good and bad. There are parts of you tied to the name you where given by birth parents that are both good and bad.

I always think of the names as the different personas though. One name is me right now, which is also everyone's Sparkle Bunny, the Party Pony and Pinkie Pie. To people who know me, I'll be Sassy or Shi or little bird. My birth given name is one I just don't associate with, either form of it, but the variations that friends have come up with over the years, I will gladly respond to with a smile. They represent who I've become. They sparkle. They represent another turning point in life. No name you take every truelly dies, no matter how deep your bury it. It still clings to part of you, whether good or bad, it's you.

Right now though, I think I'm always going to be Princess Anastasia Sparkle Bunny Linnie Lou Who CooCooCachoo

Steven Universe

On repeat... I downloaded it. I'm singing it while in a sleeper and cuddling Sakura Bunny. OMG I LOVE REBECCA SUGAR!!! I have since her work on Adventure Time!!!

I'm waiting until Sunday to watch the pilot when I have my proper cartoon time thanks to On Demand. :)

Birthday Nails

Pinkie Pie inspired nails

I don't normally do things for my birthday. Since I was little, I've believed I was hexed. Bad things just seem to happen around my birthday, either to me or the people I love. After last year with the broken ankle and one of my cats being a problem child, I again thought that maybe, just maybe, this one might be different.

While I was 2 weeks out of surgery, my nail lady and I discussed having my birthday at the salon. They actually do do parties there. So, I set it up. I wasn't in my right mind when I did either so it never made it into my phone.

Fast forward to this week. I had no memory of even setting this up. None. Wednesday, family was asking about times and what not right after a day where I'd forgotten had a physical therapy appointment and how to do a major part of my job. To top things off, to calm down after the pt incident, I went for a long walk in my beloved graveyard. It was to much. I had a meltdown. I told everyone where to shove it and that all I wanted was a happy meal in a pink Draculaura bucket, an ice cream cake and to be left alone. So my sister planned my party.

It was wonderful. Miss Christina had cake and even got me a new little stuffed friend. There was wine... well I had half a glass, wine isn't one of my things. I wanted to enjoy time with my mom and sister and brother's girlfriend. I was happy and little and giggly.

Birthday goodies!!!

New little friend!

 The downside. The night before one of my sister's childhood friends took a turn for the worst. She's loosing her fight against cancer. Her birthday is on the 31st and if she makes it, she'll be 27. I told my sister that we can do my party another day. I insisted in fact because I knew she wasn't going to be up for it. She pushed that it was my birthday and since I don't party hard, the nail date was happening. Before we even left the house for the spa, my mom had a meltdown of her own and was miserable almost the whole time. There was a brief moment when she fell asleep that she seemed happy. Nothing could cheer her up. By the end of it, I was just ready to go home and take a nap and be done with the day.

My dinner wasn't much better. Talk revolved around death and how the sister's friend was fairing. Mom was still in her own little meltdown and then booze started flowing. So... I went into hiding. Shadow was over and hanging out with the men folk. I don't think he caught how shattered I was until late into the evening and that's when he decided I needed sake.

Today wasn't much better and I know Shadow tried. I'm not doing this again next year. What makes me more upset about the whole thing is that I was little. I was excited and happy and wanted this to be a good thing. I turn 30 next year and I'm not celebrating it. I'm not having my little girl heart shattered again because things fall apart around me and everyone feels like shit because they've ruined my birthday. When booze was thrown into the mix, it just made me feel more awkward around my family because I don't really care to drink. It really makes it hard to have discussions with people when they are mourning a life being cut short and your thinking of how awesome it would be to have a bed with guard rails. (seriously, I want a crib. Think of how awesome that would be! And how safe you'd feel!!! ok... maybe it's just me)

I need to make big changes for 29. Big, just for Ania changes. I know I pledge that every birthday, but this time it has to happen. My arm is healing, even though it's slow. I'm looking at it as a sign things will get better and that I can get back to that happy little carefree place again.

Wardrobe Update!!!

So... when mom got back from her stay in the hospital, she came back to this mass pile on her doorstep.

 

This was like, 5 packages guys!!!

All just piled up waiting there for poor old drugged mom to try and walk over. She was super drugged and she had a happy meal according to Korick. I still haven't found what she did with her toy yet. Grandma brought in the hoard for her and mom got to use a pair of scissors for the first time in several months. It was all gifties from our cousins in Ireland. And most of them where for ME!!!

If you are easily sick at the sight of pink, skip this post. There is A LOT of it. Like a lot a lot. Like OMG a lot! Some mom had bought because she couldn't find them in the states but most of them our cousins picked out. You've been warned.

 This first cute number is my very own set of pajamas! They came with matching slippers and a bow! Since mama has been in her pjs so much, Korick and I have been living in ours too! Well... I don't know if Korick really counts because he's almost always in pajamas. Mama says it's cause he smells familure but I don't know. He smells like lavender fabric softener to me!

 You may have noticed the ear peaking over the pillow in the last picture. That's one of our many fox friends. His name is Pancake and he's so adorable! He wonderfully floppy!

 Next is an outfit mama bought for me! It's a Halloween Hello Kitty outfit!!! Mama says I will need a bow to match but... HELLO KITTY!!! And spiders!!! AND HALLOWEEN!!!

 This is a wonderfully glittery white tip with puffy princess sleeves and pink pants. You can't tell in the picture but, you can see my panties through them!!! I can't go camando either! Mama says that she has some new undies coming that will work better for my lighter clothes.

 To break up the pink, here's Korick in his new outfit! Mama has hunted for years for an outfit that would match the character Daddy named him after. She had to order it from the Build-A-Bear site in Europe but she finally got it! Except for the boots, we got those here. The HUGS text is embroidered on and mama said she might take it off for him.

 Next is a Hellow Kitty top! She's a geek! The skirt I've had and since I don't own all but 1 pair of pants (thank you again Aunty!!!) The next several photos will have the same skirt since showing my panties is not cool. At all!!! Nope nope nope!

 Cheer-leading Hello Kitty top!

 Pretty pink heart hoodie with super cute bow but NO EAR HOLES!!! Mama says might ears may never find a hoodie that will fit them. Oh well!

Pink camo hoodie!

 Pretty purple outfit!!! You can't see it, but it has a really cute pink belt!

 Pretty pink sweeter Aunty had made for me! AND I HAVE SUNGLASSES NOW!!! AND THEY ARE PINK!!!

 This is a really cute bunny sleeper Aunty had ordered for me but... it's a little big. Mama is going to see if she can alter it once her hand feels better... and Grandma gives back her sewing machine. Seriousely guys, she hid Mom's sewing machine! Who does that!?!

 I got a few goodies in the package too! the bear case is the case for my glasses. The Hello Kitty wand thing was full of candy. The turtle is darling but we're not sure where to put him yet! Mama tried to put him on the medication bag she had to carry with her for a few days, but he got caught on all the things so that was a no go.

 AND I got this super cute Hello Kitty smallfry!!! She has a tan!

She came with a cute little bikini too and a hoodie that matches Koricks. We didn't get a picture of that one though.

If you made it this far, you survived the sea of PINK!!! I now Mama posted earlier, but she hasn't always been sleeping so good. So I've gotten to watch some really weird cartoons at night/wee hours of morning. I've also discovered infomercials! Not necessarily a good thing but, entertaining none the less.
 Thank you for reading guys!

Back to little... sorta

It's nice to see that Sakura Bunny has been taking over for me while I've been recovering. It's been kind of hard on me, but I've been thankful that both Korick and Sakura Bunny have been there to cuddle when I've had bad times. I haven't really been up for much of anything. I've re-centered though and am feeling more like myself and little.

It's been easier to deal with emotions since I got back to being my little self. I still amaze myself at how much easier it is to process things when I'm back in my little mindset. This experience has helped me see the difference between being myself and being the true 4 year old. I know Daddy tried really hard to be there, but I also know I did burn him out early on about the time I started going a bit manic and not sleeping. When I was in the hospital though and they where sticking needles in me and all of that. Shadow was right there when I cried for him and held my hand. Before he left for the night, he tucked Korick into bed with me and told me that he'd have his phone on if I needed him. Which of course I did... until about 2 am.

I've been scared to use my crayons and color books and to draw. My mom took and hid my sewing machine. I tried to sew once already and it didn't end well. The project turned out, but there was sobbing... a lot of it and pain. So, hiding with Korick has been what the agenda has been for the past few days since then.

Now, on to cupcake flavored goldfish crackers and cartoons.

Going to work with Mama!

Hey guys! I meant to post this sooner but with Mama's surgery and her not leaving me the passwords for the computer, I didn't get a chance before she'd left! Mama is resting loads and Korick went with her like planned, but Mama will be writing about that on her main blog. In the meantime, I'm going to tell you about my adventure to work with her!

We got up super early and I got to wear my pretty Lolita dress. I asked Mama to wear her's so we could be twins, but she said that she couldn't get away with her frills at her job unless it was Halloween.

We got to ride in her work's vanpool! Mama is the first stop so she gets to ride in the front seat! I tried to take this picture of traffic but the van was always bumpy! Mama said this was really light traffic compared to what she deals with every other day.

It was super foggy too! I tried to get a pic of the Seattle skyline but you can't even see it! I promise the Space Needle and the Great Wheel and the stadiums are in there! They are just lost in the clouds, which was still really cool.

When we got to Mama's work, the fog had started to burn off. This is a picture of the hospital. The brick building with the flag pole in front of it is the main hospital, where mom got me coffee from! The one ahead of it is a bunch of smaller clinics. Mama jokes that the hospital will be the site of a zombie outbreak. She says it's super creepy in the fog and we're located directly across from a graveyard. An OLD graveyard, but more on that laters.

Mama said she had to go work the front counter for a little while first thing so she left me at her desk in back... well... she left me at her friend's desk in back. I decided to try and help PettiePet do some work... except I have no idea what any of them do! They call the office Medical Records and there are old dusty charts and they play music. The people that work there, not the records. Though that would be SUPER COOL!!! It was really boring actually. I filled in for mom as best as I could.

People where stopping by and leaving cards for Mama though. They would see me and comment on my cuteness and leave the cards with me. So I guess I was helpful a little! I also almost got stolen by a guy in Mama's vanpool! He'd made it to the door before she noticed. I was so scared!!! I didn't know if Mama would find me again! I remember the stories JillyBean had told me about the people that worked there stealing her!

By lunch time Mama was really stressed. So I asked if we could go explore the graveyard for a little bit. Mama's friend Carebear actually insisted that we go when I suggested it. So I was packed into my bag and we went on and adventure to 'visit the neighbors'.

 We entered the graveyard at the Jewish cemetery. We found a grave for this little girl on the main path. Mama asked her if she'd mind having her picture taken with me. Mama said it would be good since she was so young when she left this plane to have a brief cuddle with someone so pink and cuddly.

 I then found the most awesome tree!!! I see my cousin Thomas Marshal climb trees all the time so i hiked up my skirt and climbed up best I could! It was so cool and I managed to not get dirty! Mama says if I want to contiue this climbing trees thing, we will need to find me shoes. Slippers don't count either :(

 I saw this angel and wanted to have my picture taken with her. It was really high up though! Mama was on her tip toes to help me up and Mama is tall!

 See how high up I am!!!

 Next Mama said we needed to visit one of her Daddy markers. She said she has a lot that she's found but, this one is special. He was the first she found. She stops by and talks to him now and then. So I decided to lay next to him and whisper some secrets that Mama couldn't hear. He's a very good listener! Mama says she has pictures of all her Daddy markers and a map that shoes where about they are. It was a project she gave herself when she was taking the bus and had time to kill in the morning.

 Next place Mama wanted to go was also really special to her. It's called the Tower of Chimes. It's a military monument with a huge hill with pretty white markers for people who've served in different branches of the military. Mama has a soft spot for military men.

 I found another tree to climb on the way there. You can see me tail!

 There are 2 cannons that mark the entrance to the tower. Mama wouldn't let me climb inside. There where spiders. I don't want spiders in my undies!!! I talked with the soldiers for a little bit and walked around the towers. It's way up on a hill so we could look down on everything. It was really pretty.

 Mama says this is a Fairy Tree! She stops by and makes a wish on it every time she's in the graveyard. I decided I wanted a picture standing under it. It had such lovely energy.

This was in front of a family shrine. Mama says there is a whole part of the cemetery dedicated to asian cultures, but we wouldn't have time to make it over today.

 There was a little garden area just behind the shrine with a little pond and my size waterfall. This was on the bridge over the water. Mama said the water needed to be cleaned. It smelt like a dirty fish tank!

 You can't see it here, but the water is between me and mom as I posed on this marker. It had a lovely little bench to sit on so you could talk with the angel.

 We passed by this mouse marker! I had to have a picture in front of it! How cool is this mouse!!!

 Full marker.

 This pyramid marks another section of the cemetery. Mama said it was Greek orthodox. A long time ago, Mama said she use to feed 2 crows that would meet her at the front gate. She'd named them Apollo and Demeter. She said she doesn't go to the pyramid anymore after finding Apollo at the base of it. Mama did say that the pyramid it's has an interesting history. It use to be a little altre area but the inside has been left to ruin. There where pictures of saints inside at one time but have long since rotted away. It's kind of sad... Mama said that there are a few of the pieces still inside, but the doors are chained shut so you can't get in. You get lucky sometimes and they are open enough to peek in. But again, Mama refused to get closer because of the memory of her lost feathered friend.

It was about this time that Mama looked down at her phone and realized we only had 2 minutes of lunch left. This meant that we didn't get to see some of the other things she'd talked about :( I was really disappointed but I didn't want Mama to get in trouble at work. I took this picture of Mama's building to show that she really is neighbors with the graveyard. The windows to her office are the second floor ones and covered by the trees. It was kind of cool!

So we returned to the work thing where Mama stressed more and I was BOOOOORED. So so bored... I did take a nap though.

Did i show you the coffee I got though! It's a venti pumpkin spice latte and it was HUGE!!! Like... really huge! Mama said I had to share. I've never seen so much coffee!!! Who drinks this much coffee!?! Mama then explained it's the only way she's been making it through work the last month or so with everything she's had to deal with. She also managed to spill a whole one of these on someone super important at the hospital. She says it was because of her bad hand but... I don't know... >_>

OH!!! Most importantly!!! Mama gave me my own log in to post with for the blog!!! Now things will be under my name! She said I might even be able to get my own bookface account like Lambie!!